Missing Out

“Oh Man I’m So Hyped For _____________! What about you!?”

Typically this indicated blank is filled with something very nostalgic or something from my generation’s childhood. Example, Pokemon.

I haven’t touched it since Gen. 4 (Diamond and Pearl) because I just got bored. Repetitive story plot with nothing really new to introduce besides new characters and Pokemon. (Don’t get me wrong, some of the designs are still pretty cool; Snorlax for life) I just can’t find much enjoyment for them. The same kind of goes for others like Kingdom Hearts, Smash Bros, Final Fantasy, Legend of Zelda, etc. I’m not biased toward video games, I’m really not (still working through Bioshock, Dragon Age, Skyrim, Fire Emblem and Persona), but they really are just things I do when I’m in the mood…?

The drive to play them as constantly as I did as a kid is kind of gone; gave away all my old systems and games, except for a few (see above). I just find myself with little interest anymore for a lot of things. Model Building, Sports, TV Shows/ Movies, Book series, and the list continues. The childhood energy is just gone and I find little enjoyment in practically everything around me.

“Oh my god, dude! This is so much fun; are you into this!?”

“Meh, its alright.”

Granted everyone I know really respects my personal opinions about certain things, I just feel really bad and left out when we all get together and its just all talk/events about topics and things that I don’t find fun. I end up the bystander again that soon just becomes this antisocial wallflower. And, lets be real, when you are with company isn’t that kind of rude? OR is that just me?

Try introducing things that you enjoy. It eventually doesn’t get far because either I just suck as explaining/sharing/keeping the topic interesting or they just typically aren’t interested. Which is perfectly ok as everyone is different and deserves their own feelings, thoughts and ideas to certain matters.

…I will refrain from adding politics to this entry…

. . .

Anyhow its like I can only get ‘hyped’ in a group or with a close friend about a certain topic, but once I’m alone I feel practically nothing for it. Its like I’m afraid to get into something new??

I’m not even sure its that because I like to think I’m pretty open minded and willing to try new things, but I’m not willing to put a whole lot of money, time and/or energy if I can only enjoy it with other people. This loop of going back and asking yourself, in the mirror,

“What do I enjoy? What Makes YOU Happy??”

is becoming an extremely tiresome chore.

That is a down right frightening thought to me, I feel extremely empty and alone when I go out and try to enjoy life. Not to mention frustrating with my short attention span; I hate doing the same thing for a long period of time and then want to go do something else BUT NEVER KNOWING WHAT ELSE I WANT TO DO.

Cycling between boredom and mental exhaustion forever is taking its toll on me. Practically feels like a mid life crisis, yet I’m not even 21!

LIKE. H O W???

And when I find myself enjoying something I start questioning it, making it an even bigger question of ‘why?’.

Getting involved with what people recommend just also puts me in a mindset of not wanting to follow the herd and be my own person. Which then looks like I’m trying to be #Original and seek…pity?? Because I’m always just the quiet one in group gatherings BECAUSE I’m choosing to be left out (depending on the situation and topic)

Or makes me just weary of getting OBSESSED with something new. I mean, but isn’t that a big factor though; to explore and learn more about yourself? Yet the thought of being obsessed with something and then quickly being exhausted and tired of it is not only upsetting, but frustrating? If you like something, you like it. Enjoy it, share it, show your passion about it. This something is bringing you happiness and THATS what is important, right?

Your own personal happiness is possibly one of the most important things in this world. I love hearing about other’s passions and learning, even if it doesn’t necessarily interest me. . . and yet… I’m here thinking I’m some faulty machine that wasn’t finished, built incorrectly or has some major programing issue because I can’t find joy in things that are making everyone else happy.

Am I not as open minded as I thought?
Am I just trying so hard by forcing myself to get into these things just to fit in?

Whatever the case may be, I really would like to figure this out as I believe it is hindering not only my happiness, but my creativity and last time I checked, is kind of important when you go to an art school.

Its like not showing up to your class with a pencil (personal opinion) because well its art school. True story, students will show up without pencils and it just leaves me in a daze of “Are You For Real?”


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